!

I have a confession: every time I see Simi's scar, I want to cry. I get this lump in my belly and this big rock in my throat and think that it was Raj's and my decision to hack up our child. We marred his beautiful body and gave him a permanent scar - a great big bang ! - on his chest.

When I'm with him, I act non-chalant about it; I don't want him to be self-conscious about it or think there's anything wrong with having it. I do everything I can not to draw attention to it. But it pains me to see my baby all carved up.

I knew I'd feel this way. I thought about it a lot before the surgery. I even had photos taken of him in a bathtub setting (with Asher) so we can have a permanent memory of his perfect chest. And rationally, I know we didn't have a choice - that scarring his beautiful body was the only way we can fix his heart. And fixing his heart was more important that having an unblemished chest. But there it is - right on his chest - the perfect exclamation mark. !

Well, I guess if you're gonna get a scar permanently placed on the middle of your chest, then it should be a good one - like a ! A very appropriate symbol for it's purpose. Yep!

So why does it upset me so much?